Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize