well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize