I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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