You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Two words: nipple clamps
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