dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
