he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
