I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
