and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone š
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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