Non-Jews are for practice
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
