I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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