ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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