i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
