as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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