Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
