She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
