I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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