If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
