Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize