I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
