My cat gives me a boner
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
