My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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