So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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