I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
