There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
