If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
