I wish I could punch you in the face.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
