That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize