My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the day after is always just damage control
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
