wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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