im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
