I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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