I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
