Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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