quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My pussy is not your playground.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Send help, water and tortillas.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
