Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
