nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
