6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i wish my penis had a tongue
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I still have a little drunk in my system
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
