If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
