Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
