I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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