Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
