yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
