im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
should my penis look like a turkey
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I touched a dick in church today
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize