He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
