i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
