This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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