So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
