I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
