i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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