Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize