VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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