Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
