It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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