Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
