1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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