If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
