The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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