I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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