Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
