singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My bed smells like the plague
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize