We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
