You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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