Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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