I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
