No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
