Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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