I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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