i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
