just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Someone came in the potted fern
The uberlube is also flammable
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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