There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
