Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
