After last night, I could never be a politician.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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