I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My breath smells like gin and sadness
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
