My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
